Bless me readers for I have sinned. It's been two months since my last update. During this time I have committed the sins of failing to keep my family and friends updated and not bringing as much peace into this world as I would have liked to during this time. I also swore excessively during the NC State and SC game. Toss in a fantasy or two about me, my wife some aliens and some "I can't believe it's not butter" and I might as well throw in the towel. But before I go...
There was a serious notion or two in the opening bit. I have truly been trying to bring peace wherever I go of late and to be brutally honest, it's been a struggle. Specifically, I have been trying to avoid political discussions as well as desperately trying to disavow aggressive driving. I've had more success with the latter than the former. On the political side there have simply been too many opportunities to discuss too many significant events of recent. I've gone to the mat with my dad as well as with my new Facebook amigo Chris Kling. Chris is an interesting guy who I'm in the process of getting to know. He's a mirror image of me. I don't mean to come off as overly self-appreciative, but he's sharp, strong in his beliefs, intelligent, well typed (that used to be well spoken, but people don't speak any more). I've enjoyed my discourses with him. Truth be told, I'm much more attractive though. Ironically, he lives in New Bern and knows my dad. Thus I shant piss him off too much or he'll join forces with the old man down there and I'll be out numbered by two people that are likely twice as smart as me (when I'm anesthetized).
Mom and dad came up last weekend for Camden's birthday and we truly enjoyed the visit. On Friday night when they got here Karen whipped up some shrimp, rice, tomatoes and some spices in al-u-min-yum foil pouches and they were outstanding. That was followed by two Zingerman's brownies topped with a scoop of Breyer's vanilla ice cream and a touch of Hershey's chocolate syrup. Great; two more days in purgatory when I arrive. Mom and dad's visits are getting to be more and more enjoyable and it's not all due to the narcotics. Since we don't see them as much as we'd like, the anticipation is greater before they arrive and the void when they leave is greater as well. We are blessed that mom and dad have the opportunity to develop real relationships with the boys. Pop-pop is Superman, Santa and a Railroad Baron all-rolled-into-one to David. And Grandma, or Gee as Camden likes to refer to her, is the lady who takes care of everything in the world when she's around.
The super big deal these days is that both Camden and David are in school which means after 5+ very long years my wife gets a couple of hours a day to think about herself. Perhaps I should have stopped at think? I cannot express how happy and proud of her I am that... well... she's made it this far. Any moment she has now where she has the freedom of choice as to what she will do next is well earned and long over due. And so it is yet another way in which our family is blessed. I know it's not all down hill from here. Camden's road to independence will be a challenging journey. I'm also sure that at some point David will provide additional challenges for us, but we'll cross all of those bridges when we come to them.
Camden is attending Frankie Lemmon School in downtown Raleigh and the burden of the travel is far outweighed by the love and caring he gets from the moment one of his teachers takes his hand until we get his beautiful face back in the afternoon. For those of you reading with kids, I'm sure you can relate to the multi-layered concerns about leaving your child with anyone for anything. It is with that thought in mind that I hope you understand how significant it is that we tell you we have no concerns about Camden being there and to the contrary, we know it is where Camden should be. This school is yet another true blessing.
David, as I've mentioned before, is in transitional kindergarten. Kind of a 'beyond preschool but not quite full bore kindergarten' if you will. To date we've seen little to none of the behavioral challenges that were ever-present last year. He's not exactly draggin' in Nobel Behavioral prizes home over the threshold each day, but he's doing well and pride doesn't scratch the surface of how we feel about our eldest. Often times that pride charms tears from our eyes when he loves on his little brother. One of the stupid things you waste time doing when you find out your kid is an overachiever in the chromosome department is worrying about the world versus your special needs kid when you're gone. Now you know where those tears of pride over how much David loves his little brother come from.
That leaves you with me and my blinding glimpses of the obvious from the last two months. Picking up on an earlier thread I mentioned I've been trying to carry peace with me in all of my travels and interactions these days. The fact of the matter is that if I'm successful twenty per cent of the time, then that's twenty per cent better than not trying. There are also moments when I have peace thrust upon me. I've had several friends reach out to me in times of trial in their lives recently and I thank God that he put me here to be their friend and confidant. Sure I'm still recovering from a half dozen broken bones, constant physical therapy, arthritis, and as of yesterday the discovery of a duplicated collection system attached to one of my kidneys, but if you really want to feel better no matter what ails you, help someone. Love someone. Provide fellowship to someone. Suddenly, your inventory of personal challenges becomes a mere honey-do list.
Because I know you care...
The shoulder - approaching 150 degrees of rotation. The goal is 180 degrees. PT hurts, I cry, I get over it. This week Karen went to PT with me to learn how to do the forced stretches. Karen and my therapist are in cahoots I do believe.
The pelvis - pain is down, but it still feels fragile. Getting up and down off the floor is still a bitch.
The drugs - I take two drugs for daily discomfort and a slightly larger dose before PT. Tramadol which is a narcotic-like medication for moderate to severe pain and the lowest strength of Vicodin + acetaminophen.
The bike - riding in the peloton again will come when three things are achieved. 1) I've attained the magical 180 degrees of rotation/range of motion. 2) I have muscular symmetry about the left and right shoulders 3) I decide to ride in the peloton again. This is unclear at the moment. There is much consideration to be explored yet about this topic. The implications of another bad wreck - more common the faster you go and with close proximity to other pain and adrenaline junkies - are significantly greater at 41 years old with 2 kids.
A little honesty and a confession to close tonight. In the immediate month after my accident I spent a lot of time usually on different, far ends of the spectrum; said differently I was either at a peak on the rollercoaster ride or in a trough. The troughs were characterized by pain, fear, uncertainty, sadness, thoughts of mortality and the guilt of imposition upon my family. The peaks were as conversely nice as the troughs were bad. Sitting in a recliner, semi-sedated, watching high-definition movies and cycling (of all things) and the phone and e-mail ringing and coming in respectively at heart warming rates. I share this with you so that you understand how much I want to put this behind me right now. I want everything to go back to the way it was before I crashed. I have to admit I thrived in all the attention I 'enjoyed' during the peaks, but there were only peaks because there were valleys. I just want things to go back to the way they were before 22 March. I'd happily return the spotlight to the Acme spotlight company, even if it meant I must retain the moments that build character. What I did not know until last week when talking to a fellow accident victim was that it will never go back to the way it was before then. This is neither sad nor regretful; it just is.
Thank you for thinking about us. All of us are blessed. All of us are well. Know that we think about you too.
